Single in my 40s…. what does it mean, am i ok is there something wrong with me?

I’ve had a breakthrough recently with someone pointing out to me when she asked me about having a partner I used the word should. I know what a weird way to phrase it, but I guess it’s how I feel without even realizing it. So what does it mean well she rightly pointed out if I’m coming from a value of 10 on freedom and then saying I should have a partner that has a pretty low freedom score like a 2 or 3. So, I realized that I just wasted the last nearly 10 years using online dating apps. Using a happily married friends number to sign in because Tinder banned me from trying to promote solo travel. 😆 I’ve installed them and then deleted them because I got pissed off. I’ve actually lost count of the number of times, honestly. Let’s not even start counting the number of hours I’ve wasted with a cramp in my finger from swiping. But listen, im absolutely not saying it doesn’t work it does, and I know because I’ve friends who have met on these apps and are getting married and have families and are happy. At the end of the day, we join them to meet someone, but I didn’t want to meet someone. I was doing it because I thought I should be.

You know we have all been there the elation when we match to realized it’s nothing without a conversation and then if it even gets to the let’s call each other or even more rare let’s meet up for a coffee. What happens next….. It felt weird not getting nervous. I guess it’s because I’m like a pro after nearly 10 years of coffee dates. Some of these were with guys who didn’t even speak my language or that I wasn’t the least bit attracted to. So you’re probably screaming at me at now why fecking do it. My answer now is because I thought I should.

To answer the question above now, yes, im more than ok. im really 😊 happy. It’s taken me years of living so many different experiences to know and understand that im enough I enjoy the company of all my friends. I get huge enjoyment out of meeting new people, and I don’t want that to ever stop. More importantly, I enjoy my own company because I’ve finally realized that I’ll never be alone once I have my incredible family and friends around me.